The Podge Cast

(Host’s Note: Bob “Roberto Suave” Kaczmarczyk is the PodgeCast’s official Movie and TV reviewer. For those of you who haven’t experienced a Roberto Suave review, you’re in for an exciting ride. Those that have seen his reviews before know to look for the Roberto Suave Seal of Approval before going to see this week’s best movie ever. So with the first of many, the PodgeCast proudly presents Robert Suave’s Best Ever.)

Death Race Review

Studios: Paramount Pictures, Universal Pictures, United Artists Films

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring: Jason Statham, Joan Allen, Ian McShane, Tyrese Gibson, Natalie Martinez

Plot: It’s the future, the economy tanked, and the overcrowded prisons are privately owned. The ultimate pay-per-view twisted metal sporting event is “Death Race,” which consists of inmates fighting for their freedom in cool cars tricked out with bad-ass weapons, magically filled with busty babes. (The cars are filled with the babes, not the weapons. If they ever make a sequel that includes hooter hotties being shot out of cannons that are mounted on cars, I’ll personally cash in my 401k to finance the stunts of the film.) Jensen Ames (Jason Statham) is a man falsely imprisoned for murdering his family, and it’s up to him to win his freedom and set right what is wrong in the world of Death Race.

Review: In short, this movie is the greatest single item in the history of the universe. I say “item” because it’s not simply the best movie ever. It surpasses every magnificent creation that humans or God or Michael Bay has ever made or done. Mozart’s “Smells Like Symphony No. 5?” Death Race is better. Moses splitting the Louisiana Purchase? Death Race smokes that. Bad Boys 2? Death Race is Bad Boys 3.

I mean seriously, did you see how many fucking cars flipped in the movie?!?!?? Cars flipped more times than instances I didn’t go to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.

Oh, most importantly, for you physics nuts out there - Death Race has officially changed the SI unit of force. A Newton (N) has been replaced with the Statham (STATHAM). Once you see what Jason Statham does with his fists in this flick, you’ll understand.

Alas, even the greatest single item in the history of the universe still can’t be perfect - my only little gripe is that some portions of the races had too many quick edits and overuse of the shaky cam. It’s a shame they put so much effort into the car stunts, only to prevent us from seeing them in their full beauty.

Aside from that, I loved the flick, so go see it ASAFP. It’s the ultimate way to end the awesome summer movie season!

Death Race gets 9 out of 10 STATHAMS.

Roberto Suave