The Podge Cast

PUNISHER: WAR ZONE
Studio: Lionsgate
Director: Lexi Alexander
Starring: Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Julie Benz, Wayne Knight

Plot: The Punisher has to kill 74% of the bad people in New York. This is no small task, so Frank Castle (a.k.a. The Punisher, played perfectly by Ray Stevenson) has to get creative and use every part of his body, every gun, every sharp weapon, and every random object near him to shoot, stab, decapitate, dismember, explode, and burn away the criminals.

Review: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE PROPHCIES ARE TRUE!!!!!!!! If you could take Mountain Dew, a slaughterhouse, the latest issue of Guns & Ammo, a rollercoaster, electric guitars, and the raw power of a flux capacitor, chemically bind them into a film reel, soak that reel in testosterone from the semen of Zeus, cook that soaked reel under the launch of a space shuttle, and finally have it hand delivered by the Dark Lord Sauron himself, you would have THIS FUCKING MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that I’ve calmed down a bit, a few thoughts:

If you’re reading this review, you probably haven’t seen this movie yet. I say this because based on opening weekend box office results, almost no one went to see the greatest action movie ever to grace theaters. So shame on you. Support the hard-R action films! Don’t let them release PG-13 Die Hards & Max Paynes anymore!

Second, you’ve also probably read many terribly negative reviews of the film. Ignore them all. They are either ridiculously unfair or simply ignorant to what this movie is supposed to accomplish. The acting is fine. The story is fine. They get the job done to deliver what’s the point here – action intense enough to make Chuck Norris weep. (Oh, for the record, the soundtrack ROCKS ALL SHIT!!!!!)

The action is BRUTAL. I’ve never seen a movie like this, and you’ll be talking about your favorite kills long after the credits roll. I’m talking stuff that will make movie history here. I want to write a paragraph for every spectacular death Frank Castle is responsible for, but I just can’t spoil a single one!

The best part about the movie is how well it delivered to fans of the Marvel “MAX” comic series, which is generally agreed to be the best representation of the character yet. It’s dark, gritty, and more explicit than anything you’ve ever seen of read. The comic gets into much more detail than the movie of course, but still is a great taste of what it’s all about.

Enjoying this movie comes down to this – how much you enjoy action, violence, gore, some dark laughs, and above all else, a total blast at the movies.

Punisher: War Zone gets 10 out of 10 of the coolest onscreen kills ever.