The Podge Cast

TRANSPORTER 3
Studio: Lionsgate
Director: Oliver Megaton
Starring: Jason Statham, Francois Berleand, Robert Knepper, some stupid girl with an accent who should not have been part of this movie

What Should Have Been the Plot: Near carbon copy of the first two Transporter films – this involves a really cool, disciplined dude named Frank Martin (Jason Statham) who has to take something to a certain place. Things aren’t as easy as expected, so aforementioned dude has to kick dozens of people in the face and jump cars over shit.

Actual Plot: Apparently it’s a movie about an evil food conspiracy because it seemed to me that a majority of the running time was Frank Martin discussing salads with the girl he had to transport. Now seriously, the previous Transporter films may have stretched reality a bit at times, but it was all part of the fun. Transporter 3 was totally unrealistic because Frank Martin would never eat a sissy salad. If he wants an appetizer before he eats dinner, he has a bowl of motor oil.

If things couldn’t get any worse, there was actually a scene, not kidding here, of Frank snuggling with the girl on a hillside at sunset, talking about something that I’d guess was in a Hallmark card. B-O-R-I-N-G. That’s when I knew all hope was lost. The few potentially fun action scenes were a visual mess, for the most part, due to poor editing & camera work. (See my Quantum of Solace review.) So there really was very little to enjoy about the film.

I’d also like to mention that any advances actresses like Angelina Jolie, Milla Jovovich, or Carrie-Anne Moss have made for female action stars have now been set back due to the stupid girl with an accent who should not have been part of Transporter 3.

Review: Not enough action. None of the action was properly filmed or edited. Too much froofy conversation. Not worthy of a Transporter sequel.

Transporter 3 gets 3 out of 10 Jason Statham ab muscles.